You're a Writer!

My friend Mayka announced to a group of us that when she died she wanted the following words on her tombstone: “She cared”.

Of course we joked with her – she isn’t young but still she will probably live for many years yet. And anyway, who has a tombstone these days?

But Mayka had managed to do what few of us can do – she had summed up the theme of her life. Yes, Mayka cares. She has always tried to care about other people and she likely always will.

This carries with it pluses and minuses. Seldom do other people care as much as she does so she is often disappointed in the small amount of care that comes back to her. Sometimes she expects people to care and, having busy lives, they don’t live up to her expectations.

Sometimes she is rewarded far beyond anything she might expect and she feels that the world is unfolding as it should.

The point is: Mayka has seen the pattern in her life. Can you see the pattern in your life? It’s not easy. We are complex creatures with many facets to our life: family, friends, education, goals, job, hobby, volunteering, spiritual life, health. Who can see a pattern in all of that?

If you are setting out to write your memoir your pattern is important. I suggest that potential memoir writers get large size file cards and write one memory on each card, writing fairly quickly to get the idea down. This avoids the ‘staring at a blank page in a new binder’ paralysis.  Once they have a collection of 20-30 file cards they look them over and start trying to find some order amongst them. It might be chronological, that’s fine.

Better yet is a reading and re-reading to find the patterns in your life. As you read back and forth does it occur to you that many of your stories start with you doing something on an impulse? Maybe you married that unsuitable boy in your teen years, spoke hurtfully to your grandmother, left home to live in another country. Or perhaps your pattern is making safe decisions, or standing up for the underdog.

Maybe you see more than one pattern – that’s fine too. You can sit down and order those file cards according to your life themes. You can see how you have grown and developed the themes of your life. Maybe you have learned to overcome some pattern that was not working well for you. Maybe you have learned to use a character trait to enrich your life and the lives of those around you.

Rewrite your file card stories to reflect your theme and show the color and texture of your life. For you it shows your growth and a peek at the meaning of your life. It gives the reader a thread to follow and a deeper understanding of you. Maybe someone can learn from it.

At the very least you’ll know what you want carved on your tombstone.

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Do you have any little writing rituals? Pens all arranged in order maybe, even if you’re not using a pen? I have a friend who always gives her computer screen a quick wipe off before she settles down to write. After all, no-one  wants to be gazing at their prose through a dust mote.

No point going into the psychology of it – if we feel this helps us it probably helps us – settles us down, helps us get into the writing mind-set.

It’s not just writers who do this, and not just within our writing life. I like to start my day with a good walk. This is not a ritual, heavens no! But if circumstances dictate that I can’t walk till the afternoon I get uncomfortable and antsy. No reason – it’s just not the way my daily non-ritual works.

Our rituals say more about us than we realize. The same is true for the characters we’re writing about. They have their rituals, some grounded in reality, some not. Aunt Emily always leaves the family get together early because she doesn’t feel comfortable driving in the dark. Uncle Will always cuts his meat into one-inch squares before he eats it. Who knows why?

Odd as these things may be they have their uses in fiction. They may drive part of a plot or sub-plot. They reveal character. They could also explain an action that otherwise might seem unreasonable.

If Uncle Will cuts his meat into squares he probably has many other little personal rules. (Every penny he spends must be entered into a spreadsheet printout and he has a special pen for that).

So when your plot hinges on Uncle Will making a small leap of faith (even though it’s an action most people would take) he will be unable to step out of his rigidly controlled life to do it.

Even without being a plot point little rituals can give your character extra dimension. She always drinks her coffee black. He always opens envelopes with a letter opener. It doesn’t have to matter to the plot, you just see them in everyday action.

And if their ritual doesn’t happen correctly you see how they respond – Anger? Upset? Oh, never mind? Your reader understands the character better.

Be aware of little rituals, your own and those you notice in the people around you. Those little rituals can be gold for a writer.

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